1. The ‘What’s next?’ mentality.

    After my recent post on my homesickness for America, my brother reached out to me and told me that there isn’t really much to miss.  In the midst of some other great things he said, he brought up something he coined the ‘what’s next’ mentality, saying that Americans are often too focused on what is next and often lose the present moment.

    While Brian lauded me on my ability to get away from this mentality, I fear perhaps that this is not the case.  Case-in-point: While procrastinating from filling out my VRF (Volunteer Report Form - an epic in the form of a document I must complete that almost comes to the point of me describing my every move since my arrival in MD), I found myself searching for Moldovan refugee populations in Canada while simultaneously looking at grad programs in Toronto.  When Oxana came over to ask what I was doing, I had to quickly explain that this has nothing to do with my level of happiness here or any desire to go home… it’s just what us Americans do.  We’re always looking to the next step.

    I’m trying my best to get away from that here, but I really do think it’s been ingrained in us.  Everything is a resume builder.  Everything leads us to the next part in life.  I’ve always been profoundly aware of this and tried to fight it, but nonetheless I still spent the good part of my last semester at Hamilton (which, I may add, was one of my favorite semesters there) wanting to just get it over with, graduate, and get to Moldova.

    And even now, while I think I’m much better at focusing on the present, I still find my only motivation through these last few weeks of school to be my upcoming winter vacation.  (But is this a result of the ‘what’s next’ mentality, or just a survival mechanism that humans have developed to preserve sanity?)

    Here in Moldova, people don’t really have long term plans like we do.  They don’t even have short term plans.  ‘What are you doing today?’ is more often than not answered with, ‘I don’t know.’  ‘What time will we go to the party?’ produces a similar response.  When I asked Colita what was the date of his Christmas dance performance, everyone looked at me like I was crazy - it’s a whole two weeks away, for crying out loud! 

    Instead, I have found myself in a culture of time and planning that may make the Americans among us who carry around a calendar in their iPhone extremely uncomfortable.  Whereas in America we tend to invite people over, here, people simply invite themselves.  And it’s not like a phone call saying, ‘Oh, I was in the area and I was wondering if I could stop by.’  It’s showing up at your front door step while you are in the middle of something that you must immediately drop to put food and wine on the table for said guests.  (And NO ONE ever has a problem with this here!)  (And you can only imagine what this does to scheduling Skype dates.)

    Most Moldovans have jobs that allow for this sort of lifestyle… or rather, do not even have jobs.  But as a teacher with lesson planning and the like, this means I have fallen further into the ‘what’s next’ mentality by assuming now that on Sundays, someone is going to drop by.  This could mean for a coffee, or it could be like several Sundays ago where I ended up at a series of other people’s houses and did not get home until 12 hours later.  I now know to leave Sundays completely open and make sure everything is done in advance.  So even though I like to pretend I’m becoming just another easygoing Moldova, the truth is, there’s still all that American hiding underneath, working ahead on Saturdays.

    I suppose that when it comes down to it, like most things, it’s about finding a happy medium.  I do need to prepare in advance for things to a point.  But this doesn’t mean I have to be preparing for what comes after Peace Corps QUITE yet (and anyway, like a good America with her future in mind, I’ve already taken the GRE, just in case).  And I’m really not (preparing for post-Moldova life, that is).  Any college student can tell you that procrastination often leads you to some very inexplicable activities.  But in the mean time, I really am trying to focus on the present moment… after all, if we’re always looking ahead, are we really living life? And as many hardships as teaching here may bring, do I really want to miss this?





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